There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
