OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
