duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
