I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
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