you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
