I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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