Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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