you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
