dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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