a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
