I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
