I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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