Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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