I feel great
I just peed on a car
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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