Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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