Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
