Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
