Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
