This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
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