"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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