the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
