i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
