I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
