I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
