I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i already hear my dad disowning me
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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