lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
