was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
