I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
