hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
