I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
