I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize