this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
he had hair everywhere except his balls
is that a dick in a sweater?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
