She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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