This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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