just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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