I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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