WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
