what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
