I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
