The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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