i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
