she looked like the bat from fern gully.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
