New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
