I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
