epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
