Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
