I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
