Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
