My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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