he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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