I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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