No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
