Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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