I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
