check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
