i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He passed out mid-signature
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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