I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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