i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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