How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
