The brown eye won't let me do that either.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
