I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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