2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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