i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
