im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
