I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
