Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize