But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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