Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
where are you?
Hypothermia
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I am naked and annoyed.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
