No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
