Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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