we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
