i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
