the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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