I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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