i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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