are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
