It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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