Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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