so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
