I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
