We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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