New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
