At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Terrible idea I love it
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
