at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize