i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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