Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Randomize
