After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
