I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
True strength comes from lack of pants
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
