real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
