remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Even my vagina gasped.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize