Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
