Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
