Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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