I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
