I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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