I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
