when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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